I have been turning this thought over in my mind for the last week or so after having a discussion with a good friend of mine.  This friend mentioned that he has never felt very comfortable meeting new people due to trouble finding things to talk about with people he doesn’t know.  This has never really been a problem for me, so as we spoke I tried to think about how I generally meet and greet new people.  Usually without consciously deciding to, I tend to ask a lot of questions of people I meet because I really am interested in hearing their story.  Sometimes I end up digging a little, but nine times out of ten we are able to find some common interest.  I think that I have been fairly successful at meeting new people because people like to share about themselves—they enjoy being engaged by new people (although I am confident that feigned interest is easily picked up on).

Although he agreed with me on all of these points, I discovered that the real issue was the lack of chemistry with people.  I thought about his worry for a moment and it hit me that very rarely in life do we actually feel a strong chemistry with people the first time we meet them.  I can’t even count how many times I have asked a couple to tell the story of how they met, and the story has started with a disasterous encounter where one (or both) of them began with a negative opinion of the other.  Usually by their third or fourth meeting though, that negative opinion had been changed and a certain chemistry discovered (leading to an eventual marriage or other long-term relationship).

From this conversation was born my new Three Meeting Rule.  I understand that first impressions last a lifetime, and you will never hear me downplay their importance, but what if our premature judgments of those we meet end up depriving us of the ability to cultivate potentially long-term friendships or acquaintences?  I think that if you look back at the meaningful relationships in your life, most of the important ones were not really “born” until after the third or fourth meeting.  So, what is this new rule?  It is very simple, try as hard as you can to hold off judgment regarding the people you meet at least until the third meeting.  I know it’s hard to keep from categorizing people you meet based on how the first encounter goes (it is human nature after all), but if you can do it, you just might end up finding meaningful (and mutually beneficial) relationships in the most unlikely of places.